Have you ever heard this? You're right, but that's not the way to go about it. A phrase commonly said to someone who tries to defend themselves or their rights aggressively or rudely.

With education, everything is resolved. By conversing with civility and courtesy, you can achieve negotiations that would otherwise be impossible. When you are emotional, do not respond to anything. Much less in writing. There is a poorly soldered circuit in our brain that leads us to be more polite when we talk eye to eye and to be more uncouth when we write. I am like that too. So, I avoid responding in writing when my blood is boiling. When I need to write, I don't send it. I let my head cool down and the next day I reread what I wrote. I always soften my writing. If I can, I wait longer. If possible, I wait weeks or even months before sending a harsh response. As time passes and as I reread, I soften the text more and more.

There was a letter in which I called the attention of a former supervisee and very dear friend of mine. It took me six months to consider that there was no way to soften it any further. The result was excellent. But when I was young (read: immature), I used to respond in the heat of emotion. With that attitude, I never managed to solve the problems at hand and I also lost good friendships. It is the price you pay for inexperience.

Once, I was doing digital weight training, changing the TV channels, as the male minority usually does. By chance, I came across a program in which a former student of mine, very famous, was being interviewed by another former student, no less celebrated. I stopped to listen to them. The interviewer was being extremely rude to the interviewee. Something so absurd that I don't understand how the program director didn't warn her through the point in her ear. But the interviewee did not lose his elegance and responded with all courtesy to each rudeness of the interviewer. He rose a lot in my concept that day. Until, much later, at the end of the dialogue, the interviewer said, in a sweet voice: But, Paulo, you know I like you very much, don't you? Ready! He had softened her up. Maybe he had captivated her with his good manners.

From the book Change the world, start with you, Professor DeRose, Egrégora Books.