What we propose has nothing to do with suppressing anger. The concept of conflict management consists of using intelligence instead of unbridled emotion. Suppressing would be preventing the free flow of destructive emotion. Managing conflicts consists not of blocking, but of directing, channeling, sublimating, so that emotions come out, flow freely, but in the direction that best suits us with a view to future results.

My youth was lived on the beaches of Ipanema and Leblon. Since we were boys, we learned not to fight against the current. If the current caught us, we should not fight it, swimming towards land. The result would be fruitless. We would end up exhausting our strength and die drowning. Every good open water swimmer knows that if you fall into a current, you should swim with it, outwards, go around, and only then swim towards the beach. This is also the case in human and affective relationships.

When I was younger, my hair was rebellious (thank goodness it was just the hair). For years, I changed hairdressers, looking for a solution, but all attempts to dominate those strands with my own will were frustrated. Until one day, an older professional told me not to fight my hair. There's no point in combing it back, because that's not its nature. Give in to the tendency of the strands and brush them forward first. Then down. And only then, backwards. I did that and I was perplexed! The hair accepted my command and behaved as I wanted.

Sometimes, you have to know when to give in. Don't repress yourself, but rather apply leadership strategies.

I read a lot about dog training to raise my Weimaraner daughter. The best method to get a dog to do what you want is to captivate it, and not to wrestle with it, shout at the poor thing, let alone punish it or beat it. Somewhere I heard the phrase: man is a dog with an opposable thumb. The trainer was referring to how easy it is to induce a man to do what his girlfriend wants, as long as she knows how to apply positive reinforcement leadership. And also because men, like dogs, can't think of more than one thing at a time!
We all want to be in control. Well, the most rational way that provides better results is not to play hardball or vomit emotions haphazardly. When you understand that whoever says what they want, hears what they don't want, your words and actions become more intelligent.

Imagine a huge stone, stable on the edge of a ravine. The stone is our emotional state. While it is there, stopped, it gives us the impression that its stability is perennial. However, its position is susceptible to rolling downhill. Just a small touch, perhaps with the tip of your index finger, to make it lose its apparent stability and descend destroying everything. This is our emotional state. One moment you are happy and cheerful; the next moment - for some eventuality - you become furious or saddened.

However, if the stone starts to oscillate, in the position in which it is, just a finger on the other side is enough to prevent it from falling. This is how our emotional state works.

Just one finger is enough to prevent a disaster, as long as it is applied at the right time, before the triggering. Do you remember the story of Peter, the Dutch boy-hero? He saw a crack in the dike and put his little finger in to prevent the force of the water from increasing the hole and ending up breaking the dam. Just one finger, a child's finger, was enough to prevent a tragedy.

If you can detect a threat of an emotional outburst just an instant before it breaks out, it will be very easy to avoid the tantrum, just put your finger in the gap in the dam.

I learned this with my Weimaraner. Dogs, like humans, always signal in the second before what they intend to do next. If your tutor takes too long to send a diversion command, the dog runs off, for example, to cross the street! But if the human notices an instant before and triggers the command (stay or no or any other), the educated dog, who has not yet started the action, obeys.

Book: Ángeles peludos (ES)
Book: Anjos peludos (PT)
Book: Change the world, start with yourself